When addiction is present in a family unit, it is not an easy living situation and is often one that feels unstable to each member in the family.  When I use to work in treatment centers, we would involve the loved one’s either by having them write letters, attend family conferences, or participate in a weekend or week-long program themselves.  Now, in private practice, I do my best to try and involve others in the family.  With the use of online counseling, it actually makes this situation much more feasible.  The simple fact is, it is not possible to live with someone that struggles with some sort of addiction (substances, gambling, food, etc.) and not have it impact those that are close.  Many professionals that work in the addiction field feel that the family and loved ones are impacted and suffer even more than the actual addict.

The characteristics that make up an addicted family system are similar to the extremes that the addict themselves are experiencing.  Whether it is emotional, psychological or behavioral, extreme swings from one end of the spectrum to the other result in the entire family system feeling out of control.  There are often obvious signs present in an addict (strange behavior, weight loss or gain, irritability, lying, isolation, etc.).  However, the impact on the family may not be so clearly visible.  Family members often suffer in silence and are affected with things such as loss of trust, no sense of emotional stability, isolation, guilt and shame, constant worry, and mental obsession about their loved one, etc.

The worry often leads family members to repeatedly try and convince the addict that they have a problem and that they need help.  This usually results in the addict pushing further away and isolating themselves even more…leaving the family member to feel guilt that they have pushed the addict over the edge which results in them blaming themselves for the current situation.  Often family members or loved ones “think” they are helping but in reality they are trying to manage the addict and addiction, an impossible task that will always result in failure since addiction cannot be “managed” but rather, arrested.

The distance and lack of communication that happens in families dealing with addiction continues to build and build and the “white elephant in the living room” grows, the family system continues to try and adapt which often resulting in everyone walking on eggshells.

Often, without actually realizing it, the family member has now become part of the unhealthy cycle.  Ask yourself, “How many times have I tried to get my husband, sister, mother, etc. to recognize they have a problem and it never works?”  This starts to look just like the addicts cycle….”How many times have I said this is going to be the last drink or the last time I go gamble, or the last time I binge and purge?”   This cycle is what is termed insanity; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

So, how can you help?  Well, the first thing to realize is that trying to “reason” with an addict fails about 9 out of 10 times.  Think about it; when has your loved one said….”you are right, I am an alcoholic and I am going to get help now, does it, and is in recovery!”  Or, how many times have they told you they are going to get help and you continue to believe it?  The point is, you may as well surrender to the idea that one-on-one, you are going to loose because the addict is not thinking with a rational, clear head.  They will tell you over and over what you want to hear! Sad, but true!

If you continue to repeat the same thing over, asking, begging, pleading, threatening, you have now become a part of this unhealthy cycle, likely enabling your loved one to continue in their destructive behaviors.  Yes, of course you are doing it out of fear, or love, care, and concern but, step back and look at how many times you have given ultimatums or set a boundary, and not followed through!

You must separate your loved one from their behaviors and seek out support and help for yourself!   I know, I know,  I have heard it 100 times….”but I don’t have the problem, they do!”  Well, if you want to continue in the path that you are on and continue to repeat the same thing over and over again, I can almost guarantee you that you will be in the same place 5 years from now!  As far as I am concerned, if you are unhappy, struggling, and living with someone who is dealing with an addiction disorder, then you also have a problem.  The good news is, there is help and support to guide you through a process of recovery for yourself, not just your loved one.

You do not have to prove anything to anyone, overcoming addiction is not an easy one and dealing with a family member or loved one struggling with addiction is also not easy. Rather than waste more time trying to manage the situation yourself, reach out and get the help and support you need.  Treating addiction is better left to the professionals who know what they are dealing with and who are not enmeshed in the family system.  You do not need to wait till you convince your loved one to get help….more importantly convince yourself that you deserve to get support and help first.

If you know someone who is struggling with addiction, or you yourself are battling an addiction disorder, don’t wait any longer.  Addiction specialist, Candice Hague offers online counseling and can assess and treat those dealing with this potentially fatal illness.

For more information on the services offered at Nirvana Counseling and Online Counseling, email Candice Hague, M.Ed, RCC at nirvanacounselling@shaw.ca

“Peace comes from within, do not seek it without” ~Buddha

When was the last time you felt a sense of peace and calm in your life? If your answer to this question is anything more than “a day” then you are unfortunately among the millions of people living a life filled with way too much unnecessary stress and thinking and feeling there is nothing they can do about it. However, the reality is you can do lots about it. You can learn to take better care of yourself and develop a deeper sense of calm and peace in your life if you are willing to actively engage in improving your own health and well-being. If you knew that you could learn strategies that would help reduce a large amount of stress you experience in your life, why wouldn’t you invest the time in yourself to explore this? Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is an effective technique that teaches individuals how to draw upon their inner resources and natural strengths in order to gain greater balance and calm in both body and mind.

Obviously clients that contact me are going through some type of stressful situation that is causing them distress and impacting their quality of life. If clients are motivated to participate in online counseling and learn some techniques such as MBSR, the impact can have life-long benefits. MBSR is designed to teach people to become more aware, more present and relaxed, and ultimately have more peace in their life regardless of what their stressors are. All to often I hear people say things like, “well if it wasn’t for my work, I wouldn’t be so stressed” or “if only I had more money or time I wouldn’t be so stressed.” The reality is, life can be stressful but more often than not, the stress and anxiety being experienced is over things from the past or even around our future.

It is true that most peoples lead complex, busy and challenging lives, however, the other truth is that many people also settle for this, convincing themselves that there is no other option than just being “stressed out”. I teach people to feel empowered about their lives and that each person ultimately has a choice to either allow certain situations to completely deplete you of your positive energy, or not.

Mindfulness is a state of active, moment-to-moment awareness where you become present in the moment. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them. Instead of just existing in your life, floating from day to day or week to week, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experiences in the present. The key to mindfulness and stress-reduction work is all about “focusing” on something in the present. The present is all we really have…right here, right now!

Sounds easy? Well, the concept is easy but the actual practice of mindfulness is not as simple as you may think. However, there are specific techniques you can work on and like most things…the more you practice the easier it will become. Sometimes in life the things that seem to good to be true, or too simple to work, are in fact the most powerful and beneficial to us. It is possible to learn MBSR technique through online counseling as it is a systematic method aimed to cultivate greater health and wellness into your life and explore and understand the connection between your mind and body while drawing on your own inner resources.

If you are interested in exploring Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction work, contact Registered Clinical Online Counselor, Candice Hague, M.Ed, RCC to set up your FREE 30 minute consultation at nirvanacounselling@shaw.ca

For more information on Online Counseling, check out some of Candice Hague’s  articles:

1. Online Counseling- Benefits

2. Online Counseling- A Click Away

3. Online Counseling Information - Internal Dialogue

By now, most have read or heard about this concept of positive thinking and how what we think can make a huge impact on our lives We have read things like, ‘Change Your Mind, Change Your Life’ and it seems like every where we turn this fairly new concept is exploding in the health and wellness field.  However, there are still many skeptics and those who are not willing to learning new thinking patterns, and therefore still stuck in a negative state of mind, or what I like to call “Stinking Thinking.”

As a Clinical Counselor, I have worked with hundreds of clients teaching them techniques on how to foster a more positive thought process.  I have seen the numerous positive outcomes it has had in people’s lives. Not only have I seen in repeatedly in my private practice but I have also changed my personal life drastically utilizing the art of positive thinking.  I am a firm believer that positive thinking can be learned and that it can have a life-altering impact in peoples lives.

It is not too often clients contact me if they are feeling great and have super positive thinking going on so, obviously the majority are struggling with negative thinking and many of them with ‘constant’ negative thinking.  What many don’t realize initially is how negative and self-negating their thoughts actually are.

The unconscious mind is playing messages over and over again.  What needs to happen first is to develop awareness about these negative messages.  This may sound simple but often the thoughts can be subtle and it isn’t until one starts to become more conscious and mindful about our thinking, that we can then become free from the confines of negative thinking.  If you are constantly telling yourself you are not worthy, or stupid, or whatever message you have repeatedly running through your head, you basically become that by default alone.  There really isn’t much room to grow, strive, and feel free and fulfilled if you have convinced yourself of these negative thoughts.

It isn’t enough to just say….”okay, today I am going to start positive thinking,” and then leave it at that.  If this is all the effort you are going to put into creating this change, chances are you will be in the exact same place as you were when you made that statement.  It needs to be a constant process of awareness and catching yourself and then, replacing those negative thoughts with a more positive one.

Since I work with a lot of clients struggling with addiction disorders and eating disorders, there tends to be a large amount of self-negating thoughts.  Often I will ask, “What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?”  It seems that 9 out of 10 clients have no problem identifying things about them self they don’t like, but yet struggle to come up with positive attributes about themselves.  It still continues to amaze me and sadden me that this is the case since I am able to identify and see in them strengths within a five-minute conversation.

So, after gaining the awareness, focus on accentuation the positive.  There are numerous tools that you can use to help you do this.  Use it daily and work on it.   Don’t give up.  If you want to feel different; be more fulfilled and experience more happiness, say things about yourself that make you feel good about yourself and brighten your day.

If you want to learn more about how you can change your life with the use of positive thinking, contact Registered Clinical Counselor, Candice Hague, M.Ed, RCC at: Nirvanacounselling@shaw.ca

Website: www.nirvanacounselling.com

Facebook @ Online Counselor

Online Counselor- Benefits

As an Online Counselor I would like to point out some of the benefits available to you when you are seeking Online Counseling Services as well as explain how online counseling works.  Online counseling is also know as e-counseling or tele-counseling, is a fantastic option for those whose actual physical, geographical or time period restraints make it difficult or impossible to take part in face-to-face therapy. While technology now allows us to connect with people worldwide for free, the use of interactive video conferencing software programs such as Skype has become the choice for many clients to participate in online counseling.

Types of Online Counseling

Typically there are two services that are offered online: assessments and therapy.  Online assessments are often self-scored tests that are used to help individuals identify a specific issue they are dealing with, such as anxiety or depression.  These tests can be useful for individuals in order to help them put a name to what may be going on for them so they can further explore the issue.

The two main types of online therapy include email counseling, or real time online chat (either written or verbal) between a client and counselor either with or without a webcam.  Email counseling works well for clients who prefer time to process questions and respond at their leisure.  Online counseling such as skype, or other software programs that allow real time connection, allows for a more similar interaction as what one may experience in a face-to-face session.

What are the benefits of Online Counseling?

Online counseling or e-counseling has grown more and more appealing for individuals who have to travel for their jobs and, whose schedules make it difficult for them to access conventional therapy services.  Depending on the reason one is seeking counseling, it is usually most beneficial initially to have some continuity with sessions.  Long gaps between sessions can often disrupt the flow of the change process, which often becomes a obstacle for those with busy schedules when utilizing face-to-face therapy.  Online counseling allows a much more accessible option for people with busy schedules as there is more flexibility when it comes to the times sessions can be booked.  Often online counselors are able to book into the evenings and on weekends, which is often not the case for in-person counseling.   There is also no hassle of commuting and parking with online counseling.

The various forms of online counseling may also work well for individuals who are  seeking some professional help on an occasional basis.  It can be great for those who may want to contact a professional for advise every now and then but don’t want the hassle of calling a counselor, waiting to hear back, making the appointment, sorting schedules, etc.  It allows for a much faster response time, and at times can even be immediate if the clinician is online already.

Online counseling is also more cost effective than traditional counseling. Clients save on gas and parking costs and, most online counselors charge less for this type of therapy since there is no need for the fees associated with office space.

Another benefit is the sense of privacy experienced compared to traditional therapy.  Some clients are concerned about being seen by someone they know on their way to the counselors office or when leaving.  Being able to have a counseling session in the comfort of your own home often allows clients to feel more at ease right from the very first session.

What is needed to engage in online counseling?

You need a laptop or desktop computer that’s associated with a high quality high-speed connection to the web.  Most computers have built in speakers, microphones, and webcams now but, if it doesn’t you will need this in order to do online video counseling.  Some clients prefer to just do phone counseling or skype counseling as a form of online counseling without the use of webcams.  This is another great option for those who feel some anxiety about counseling or who don’t want to be seen.

If you don’t already have Skype on your computer, you would be required to follow the very easy steps to download this free software program onto your computer.  Once this is completed you would add your counselors skype name.  Typically clients contact the counselor via email initially to set up the first appointment.  Many counselors will have clients fill out forms prior to the session which include a confidentiality agreement/limitations to confidentiality, sometimes a brief assessment and other legal forms needed in order to conduct a professional counseling session.  Once this is established it is as easy as a click and you are then connected with your counselor for a timed duration.  As an online counselor, I always make sure my clients know that there is a potential for technical difficulties and if such a thing were to happen, they would know who we deal with this.

What you should look for in searching for an online counselor

It is very important that you do your research when selecting an online counselor. An online counselor should be registered or licensed and in good standing as a member in their particular association.  Don’t be afraid to contact them for a brief discussion to ask questions you may have prior to booking your first session.  Some online counselors will offer a free consultation in order for you to get a sense of what the online counseling would be like and to give you a chance to ask questions.  I personally feel this free 30 minute consultation is imperative to see if this modality is appropriate for the presenting issue as well as to find out if the client is comfortable with the online format.

How you should prepare for an online counseling session

You should pick a place in your home where you are comfortable and won’t be interrupted during your session.  Shut down tv’s, cell phones, radios, etc., and if there are others in the home it would be wise to request you not be disrupted.  Often clients will use a headset if others are in the home and this makes it more private.

Recent studies about Online Counseling

Quite a few recent studies about online counseling explore the benefits of online counseling for issues associated with anxiety disorders, addiction disorders, and relationship difficulties. While face-to-face therapy will not fade away, the many benefits of online counseling seems to be on a rapid climb. More and more clinicians are starting to offer this form of therapy and the much of the research that is being done shows promising outcomes.  Many Employee and Family Assistance Providers (EAP) are contracting Registered Clinical Counselors and requesting they use both phone and e-counseling in order to reach a larger number of their employees.  I use to work for an EAP company and provided a lot of phone counseling to clients nationally.

Does it work?

If we are going to ask this question, we can do so in regards to therapy either in-person or online.  In both these cases you will find that there are those who believe counseling is effective and helpful, and others that simply do not believe it is at all.  However, if performed ethically and with full disclosure of the strengths and weaknesses involved, online therapy can most certainly be an effective alternative to traditional therapy.  As a Registered Clinical Counselor(RCC) in good standing; I was pleased to see that the BC Association of Clinical Counselors came out with a “New Code of Ethical Conduct and Standards for the Use of Technology in Counseling.” This can be viewed publically at http://bc-counsellors.org/general/code-of-ethical-conduct-and-standards-of-clinical-practice#technology.

Could Online Counseling be for you?

With the introduction of high-speed online connections as well as the prevalent introduction for built-in digital cameras coupled with microphones on notebooks or desktop computers, it is currently possible for an experienced therapist and their clientele to engage in a therapeutic process.  The only way of really knowing if online counseling is something you may benefit from, is to try it.

If you are interested in exploring an issue you are struggling with or that is causing you distress, contact Candice Hague, M.Ed, RCC at nirvanacounseling@shaw.ca for more information or to book your first free consultation.

By: Candice Hague, M.Ed, RCC / Email: nirvanacounselling@shaw.ca

Nirvana Counselling- www.nirvanacounselling.com

Facebook- Online Counselor

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/therapists-are-seeing-patients-online.html?_r=1

~Namaste~
Candice

what you feel, you attract

what you imagine, you become”

~adele basheer~

Online Counseling information you can truly apply to your day to day life. Read that quote above one more time.  This quote is one of the most important quotes for me when it comes to my personal life and also the work I do with people as a counselor.  The purpose of this post is to bring a bit of awareness to you about the impact our thoughts can have on us and to offer you hope that it is possible to change what we think, and ultimately how we feel about things as well.

If you pay attention to what you tell yourself throughout the day and find that most of the messages you say to yourself are negative, this is going to play a large role in what you feel day to day and also what you are attracting into your life.  What we think and believe about ourselves impacts our health and well-being.  A lot of times people ask me “how do I change my negative thoughts to positive ones.”  Great question!  Usually at this point I am reaching for my magic wand and as I start to wave it I say, “last time I tried this it never worked, so, I guess we are going to need to put in a bit of work!”

Often people seek out help thinking that there is a “quick fix” to their problems–sometimes there is but more often than not, counseling is a process that requires work on the clients part.  Your thinking process is something that can be changed but, it’s not going to happen over night and certainly not going to happen just because you are ‘in’ counseling.  You need to be an active participant, gain the tools to achieve this, and then use the tools.   Think about going to a doctor because of an injury and they give you a list of things you need to do to get well and heal  You either do them and you hopefully get better, or you don’t do them and the symptoms of your injury continue.  It is your choice to be pro-active in your own health and wellness and strive for having a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

So let’s take a look at how you start your day off.  Do you wake up and think, “What a great day, I feel good and I can’t wait to see what the day brings me.” or…”I don’t even want to get out of bed.  It’s raining out and I don’t want to drive in the rain, it’s going to be a long boring day at work,…etc.”  Your thoughts have a huge impact on your situation and how this day will likely play out.  If we take the second example and rather than THINK…the day is going to suck, start by first changing your thoughts….purposefully!  There is no easy way of doing this except one situation, one thought, one day at a time!  For example, wake up and purposefully change your thinking (whether you feel it, or believe it…just start doing it)…so say… “it’s raining out, how cozy!  I get to put on my fun rubber boots and enjoy the rain that the garden is desperately in need of and maybe tonight I can sit and watch a great movie.”  Give yourself an attitude adjustment and go out there and enjoy the day!

When you start to pay attention to how often these negative little thoughts creep into your mind and are ultimately driving the path of your life, you may no longer be surprised at why you feel so down and depressed.   If I walked through life focusing on all the bad, and choosing to look through a negative lens, I too would be depressed.  Instead, I chose to see the beauty and joy that life has to offer.  This is not to say that there is not pain, or sadness, or that I am blinded by the suffering of the world… but, I choose to acknowledge and appreciates the good in life and this helps balance out the pain and suffering felt by so many. For me, this is super empowering because we “do” have the ability to change and create new thoughts and feelings!  We have the ability to create a different life for ourselves.  It starts with being able to see it. Once you can see it, you can then create it.  It is time to stop seeing yourself as sad, depressed, lonely and miserable and instead open yourself up to experiencing all the joy that life has to offer.

If you have more questions about this, or feel you could use some assistance in helping change your thought patterns, Cognitive Behavior Therapy is an excellent therapy modality which can help with changing your thought patterns. Perhaps the easiest way to begin is through Online Counseling.

Email me at: Nirvanacounselling@shaw.ca to book an appointment.
Or
Visit us on Facebook at our Fan Page Online Counselor

Namaste,

Candice Hague, M.Ed, RCC

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Namaste

Unlike other forms of counseling, telephone counseling and online counseling is potentially free of certain constraining factors that affect traditional therapy, including geography, time, duration, and cost, making this form of counseling more accessible for a number of people who would be unable to attend traditional therapy. It also provides a degree of anonymity that is comforting to some clients, reducing the intimidation that some people may feel at the prospect of seeking treatment with a traditional in-person therapist and encouraging disclosure.

Nirvana Counseling has been offering both phone counseling and online counseling since 2007.  Candice was contracted by Shepell-fgi ( A large Employee and Family Assistance Provider(EAP) organization ) to also offer phone counseling to clients located all over Canada.  This method is being used by most large EAP organizations across Canada.  If you have any doubts about whether or not this method of counseling would work for you, try it out free of charge.  Nirvana Counseling offers you a 30 minute free phone or online consultations in order for you to determine if you feel it will be a good fit for you.

Nirvana Counseling has personally found that clients are more likely to commit to sticking with counseling and therefore outcomes are just as effective, if not more effective than in-person counseling.

HOW EFFECTIVE IS TELEPHONE COUNSELING

(1)A body of research exists comparing the efficacy of telephone counseling to

in-person counseling and to no treatment. A recent study found that more than half

of clients (58%) who had experienced both in-person and phone counseling preferred

phone counseling. (2)A 2002 study found that phone counseling clients rate their

counseling relationship similarly to in-person clients. (3)Phone counseling has

been established as an effective treatment for diagnoses ranging from depression(4)

to agoraphobia.

References

Overeating is pervasive in our society today. If you are one of those people who eat out of boredom, to numb feelings, and have endless mental obsessing about food, learning about mindfulness eating may be an answer to your current struggles.  The outcome of not being mindful of eating is leading to a serious epidemic of obesity. 

In 2004, approximately 6.8 million Canadian adults ages 20 to 64 were reported as being overweight, and an additional 4.5 million obese.(http://www2.parl.gc.ca/Content/LOP/ResearchPublications/prb0511-e.htm).  Being overweight or obese is a leading cause of some of the most prevalent health problems in Western society today.  The simple fact is that most people are eating way more than what are bodies naturally need in order to be healthy.  Eating has become a “quick fix” to deal with emotional problems which only result in creating more problems in mind, body, and spirit. 

Often when people are eating, we are also busy multi-tasking. Whether it is talking, working on the computer, reading, driving, or sitting on the couch watching TV; all of these distract us from what we are consuming  thus creating a barrier to mindful eating. 

Mindful eating involves many components such as:

·         learning to make choices in beginning or ending a meal based on awareness of hunger and satiety cues

·         learning to identify personal triggers for mindless eating, such as emotions, social pressures, or certain foods;  valuing quality over quantity of what you’re eating;

·         appreciating the sensual, as well as the nourishing, capacity of food

·         feeling deep gratitude that may come from appreciating and experiencing food

(  http://www.tcme.org/ )

Mindful eating draws significantly on mindfulness meditation.  Mindfulness has become a very effective psychotherapy approach in helping others overcome a variety of eating disorder situations. 

Try a few basic mindful eating techniques:

1.     When you eat your next meal, sit down, turn off the tv and all other distractions and focus just on the act of eating. 

2.     Pay attention to the pace of how you are eating.  Slow down and breathe while you eat, versus inhaling your food.  Make note of the colors, smells, temperature, textures, taste, etc.

3.     Be mindful of how often you chew and the actually act of swallowing. 

Principles of Mindfulness:
• Mindfulness is deliberately paying attention, non-judgmentally.
• Mindfulness encompasses both internal processes and external environments.
• Mindfulness is being aware of what is present for you mentally, emotionally and physically in each moment.
• With practice, mindfulness cultivates the possibility of freeing yourself of reactive, habitual patterns of thinking, feeling and acting.
• Mindfulness promotes balance, choice, wisdom and acceptance of what is.

Mindful Eating is:
• Allowing yourself to become aware of the positive and nurturing
opportunities that are available through food preparation and consumption by respecting your own inner wisdom.
• Choosing to eat food that is both pleasing to you and nourishing to your body by using all your senses to explore taste.
• Acknowledging responses to food (likes, neutral or dislikes) without judgment.
• Learning to be aware of physical hunger and satiety cues to guide your decision to begin eating and to stop eating.

Someone Who Eats Mindfully:
• Acknowledges that there is no right or wrong way to eat but varying degrees of awareness surrounding the experience of food.
• Accepts that his/her eating experiences are unique.
• Is an individual who by choice, directs his/her awareness to all aspects of food and eating on a moment-by-moment basis.
• Is an individual who looks at the immediate choices and direct experiences associated with food and eating: not to the distant health outcome of that choice.
• Is aware of and reflects on the effects caused by unmindful eating.
• Experiences insight about how he/she can act to achieve specific health goals as he/she becomes more attuned to the direct experience of eating and feelings of health.
• Becomes aware of the interconnection of earth, living beings, and cultural practices and the impact of his/ her food choices has on those systems (http://www.tcme.org/principles.htm) .

If you want to learn more and seek treatment for disordered eating that incorporates mindfulness therapy, contact me at nirvanacounselling@shaw.ca.

Namaste,

Candice.